


I'm on it!

by Vampirtulpe



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Funny, Human AU, Humour, M/M, No Angst, at least i hope it is, but otherwise it's just funny nonsense, ideas and dialogue are very similar, it is very based on a comedy sketch, warning for a bit of swearing though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 07:37:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15724914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampirtulpe/pseuds/Vampirtulpe
Summary: Roman didn't expect to find a burglar trying to enter his house when he gets home that day. Nor did he expect the other things that would cause this encounter. It was a strange evening he will go back to for a long time.





	I'm on it!

The one thing Roman didn’t expect when he came home from a hard day of work was a man standing by his windowshill. He blinked in confusion as he saw said man, wearing thin green gloves and performing surgery on his window with a tool. Roman was a simple and very confused man at the sight, not knowing what he was supposed to do or to expect, nor did he know who that man even was. He was around 5′ 6 tall, wore a black hat, black shirt with a scale pattern in gold, brown shorts and black sneakers with yellow stripes, his most defining feature being that he was currently performing surgery on Roman’s window, most likely with the intention to enter the prince’s home.

Roman, frankly, had no idea how to react. Who was that guy? Was it his window-guy? Did he have a window guy? Does he have window-people? Is he part of the government to intimidate him, to look for any signs of potential harm, drugs or other heavy stuff? Would he have to dig through masses of documents if this guy found something, not that he had any dangerous substances in his home.

Roman stood still, perfectly still, completely stunned at the sight before him, thinking about what to do while he was gaping like a fish. What was he supposed to do, how was this encounter supposed to play out?! Should he leave? Should he just let the guy do his business and leave in peace? Should he get to a phone and contact the police? Or maybe contact Logan? Logan would know what to do in this situation!

The man looked up, revealing his brown eyes that were widening as he put the tool down and spotted Roman. Both of them were completely stunned for maybe a second, before a truly beautiful smile flashes across the man’s face and he suddenly yelled: “HI! HOW ARE YOU?!”

Roman, in his complete confusion stupidly answered with: “FINE, THANK YOU!”, already mentally slapping himself for such a stupid answer, why was he talking to this guy, what was wrong with him?! And the problem was, that it only got worse from that point on, because Roman’s brain clearly hadn’t caught up with his mouth yet as he stupidly continued with: “HOW ARE YOU?!” And then, even stupider, asked: “CAN I HELP YOU?!”

The moment this sentence left Roman’s lips he quickly shook his head, mentally scolding himself, seriously, what was wrong with him, what was he thinking?! Why was he offering help to this guy who tried to break into his house?! Why was he even CONSIDERING it, even if it was subconciously?!

The man tilted his head slightly, clearly not expection this answer, idly pointing to the house next to Roman’s, claiming: “Your neighbour led me to you! You have a front door buzzer, right?”

Roman, blinking, asking in his bewilderment: “Front door buzzer?!”, which was far from the weirdest thing the guy has said so far, because there was no person living in the house he pointed at. The nice old lady who used to live there died last month and now the house is empty. So the guy was clearly lying, but for what purpose?! He looked down to the man’s midsection, trying to spot some kind of weapon or gun, cautious even though he couldn’t spot anything.

The man grinned as he said: “Yeah, your neighbour told me you have a front door buzzer, so I thought-”

Roman made wild movements with his hands as he interrupted the man, not wanting to hear any of the stories he made up, quickly saying: “Nononono, forget the neighbour, forget the buzzer!” Before it dawned on him, his eyes widening as he realized: “You are a BURGLAR, trying to get into my house!”

Now it was the man’s turn to make wild hand-movements, shaking his head vehemently as he defended himself: “Nonononono, you got it all wrong! Why don’t you let me in and we discuss this situation over a cup of tea?”

Roman could only blink in bewilderment, not knowing if this guy was actually serious or if this was a test with hidden cameras of any sort to test the average intelligence of the regular american man. He really hoped it wasn’t the latter, because if it was, he already would have done poorly. He still shook his head as he grew impatient, yelling: “NO! I will most definetly not let you into my house when you were just performing surgery on my windowshill!”

The man put one hand on his hip in a sassy manner and groaned, provoking in a rather cheap but effective manner: “Oh, come ON! Don’t be such a pussy! If you are a real man you would let me in!”

Roman slowly but surely lost his faith in humanity, what even was this encounter?! What was this guy trying to say him? That he wasn’t a real man if he didn’t open the door for him?! He shook his head in a quick gesture and then responded rather loudly, convinced at least some neighbours, not the dead one, were now watching them through their darkened windows: “WHAT KIND OF REASONING IS THIS EVEN?! THIS IS COMPLETE NONSENSE!”

The burglar visibly deflated, sighing heavily before shrugging, apparently knowing when he is losing, as he suddenly asked: “Ah, well, it was worth a try. Do you want me to leave the same way I came?”

This could be exciting. He could say yes and see what would happen, if the guy would just disappear in his magical lamp until it was rubbed again or would suddenly get his jetpack out and blast off again? But what if he said no? Would the man just move in, tell him how he preferred his sandwiches and then take over his bed and live in the bathtub and refrigerator? Could Roman risk that? Certainly not. So he said what every human being would probably not say: “S-Sure.”

What Roman wasn’t expecting, was that the guy quickly shook his hand and spoke a quick: “Farewell good sir.” Before running down the front porch and sprinting down the road, out of sight in not even two seconds, just a dustcloud trailing behind him, leaving Roman completely stunned, staring after the man with an opened mouth, even when he already left. He lightly slapped his cheek to return to reality and quickly entered his home, grabbing his phone and punching 911 in. He explained the situation as quickly as possible and the police assured that they would get the man, causing Roman to nod and slowly hang the phone up, thinking

Logan was still at work at a nearby place and the guy was running past the bulding he was working at, maybe he could help Roman to decide what he was supposed to do now. The number was quickly picked and he sat down on the sofa, calming down his slightly ragged breathing, the adrenaline of the stress slowly leaving his body. A casual but polite voice answered him and Roman immediatly recognized that it was Roman.

“Hello?”

“Logan, you’re still at work, right? Look out the window, do you see a guy, uhm, black hat, black shirt, brown shorts, black shoes, running like a motherfucker down the road?”

The quiet clicking of shoes was audible on the other end of the line before the answer came. “Yes, I do. What about him?”

Roman exclaimed in a slightly panicked voice: “That guy tried to break into my house!”

Not even a second later he heard Logan’s answer that send chills down his spine. Just three words he would certainly never forget.

“I’m on it.”

“Wait, what?!”

The next moment he heard on the other end of the line glass shattering and a thumb, accompanied by a loud screech that sounded like it came from the burglar, before he heard angry yelling from Logan and then the sound of heavy running. Roman could only stare at his phone in shock as he sprinted to the window and saw the burglar suddenly running the other way, Logan hot on his heels, a wild expression on his face as he was chasing after the guy in his working attire. “LOGAN! ARE YOU INSANE?! GET BACK HERE, I DON’T KNOW IF THIS GUY HAS A WEAPON! LOGAN!” But Logan had already hung up and slowly disappearing from his sight as the two were running down the road. How can these two be so damn fast?! He gets another idea which is probably stupid aswell, but he calls the police again, screaming into the phone in a panic:

“HI! I’m the guy from before who reported the burglar! OKay, here is the update! First guy, ehm, black hat, black shirt, brown shorts, black shoes, run’s like a motherfucker. Okay, the second guy who is now chasing after him, tall guy, short brown hair, wears glasses, black shirt with blue necktie, phone in hand. First name: Logan. Listens to: Logan. DON’T SHOOT HIM! SHOOT THE OTHER GUY!” Thinking for a moment before continuing: “Oh, and here is his number, give him a call!”

Roman didn’t expect them to actually do it. And with Logan’s coordinates, the cops knew exactly where to go to. Roman thought it was the second coming as the police-helicopter flew over his head and three police-cars were speeding down the road, what was this, GTA V?! A helicopter, on foot pursuit AND THREE cars?! And the burglar still managed to escape. He drifted into an empty parking lot and was just gone, like Hoodini, like he transformed into a snake and just slithered away, Roman never saw this guy again, he wasn’t sad about it, just very VERY confused. Roman gave Logan a very long scolding this evening, still not able to properly process the probably weirdest encounter he ever had in this state. This was certainly a story worth talking about.


End file.
